


A Brush With Death: The Aftermath

by allthetrek



Series: A Brush With Death [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 10:26:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18636280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthetrek/pseuds/allthetrek
Summary: Captain Pike is reluctant to let you go on away missions, for fear of losing you. You get into an argument about it.





	A Brush With Death: The Aftermath

You man your station on the Enterprise bridge, waiting patiently for Captain Pike to assign you to the away mission. It seems like a standard mission: beam down to the surface, collect mineral and flora samples, scan the area for anomalous readings, enjoy a little time off of the ship. And oh, how you need some time off the ship. It’s been almost nine weeks since you’ve left the confines of this Constitution-class starship, which has become your home away from home. However, cabin fever is starting to set in, and you need to breathe something other than reconditioned air, even for just a few hours.

You know that Christopher was shaken when your previous away missions ended disastrously. Actually, that’s an understatement. They’d ended with you on the brink of death, your blood literally on Chris’ hands. None of what happened was a reflection of your capabilities, there’s no question of that. You’re Starfleet trained, battle-hardened, tried and tested, and brilliant in all areas. The perfect candidate for any mission, though you understand that the captain has to cycle through personnel so that everyone gets a chance to experience things off the ship, and to have a change in routine. Months upon months on a starship can become monotonous, and so Christopher is especially cognizant of ensuring everyone gets their chance at a mission.

You’ve been patient in the weeks following your mission ordeals. Christopher has been extra attentive, affectionate, and caring towards you, and your relationship has continued to develop. You love him with all your heart, and he absolutely adores you, showing you any way he can. He’s a sweetheart, through and through, and it’s no secret how much you care for each other.

A month went by, and still no away mission. It was okay though, because you understood that others needed their chance. Then almost two months, and you’d started dropping hints to Christopher that you’d like to get some time off of the ship. You’d told him you were getting stir-crazy, and he’d graciously offered to take your mind off things, which he did. For a time.

Now, here you are on the bridge, and the Captain assigns Spock, yet again, to the away mission, with two of the other crew, Science and Security. Okay, something is definitely up!? You’ve been keeping track in your head of the crew he’s been assigning, and some are definitely being repeated. Not to mention, this planetoid has rich deposits of crystalline minerals that, according to initial scans, don’t appear in the Federation database. You would love to see them up close, and with your background in elemental science, you’re one of the most qualified, not Spock?

You feel your stomach churn with bitterness as you watch Spock leave the bridge, the turbolift doors shutting him out of view. You stare pointedly at Christopher, but he fails to meet your gaze. You try to focus on your duties, running algorithmic and comparative scans on the data coming up from the surface as the away team carries out their mission.

The viewscreen becomes active at the front of the bridge, and you and the others admire the natural beauty of the untouched, alien world. It’s breathtaking, stunning, the flora like nothing you’ve ever seen before. Bitterness in your gut morphs into resentment as you feel left out, confined to the rest of this mission of exploration within the walls of the ship. What’s the point of exploring space, charting new territory, boldly going, if you never get to see anything up close! Anything! You’d take a few rock and gem samples in the lab even, but lately Christopher seems to be restricting your duties so much, it’s like he doesn’t want you near anything interesting!

You finish your shift, your colleague coming to relieve you of your station, and you leave the bridge, walking by the Captain without a word. You’re too angry to speak to him, and now is not the time. He won’t meet your gaze, anyway. He knows damn well you’re upset; he knows you pretty well now. You leave the bridge, heading to the mess hall to force down some food. You don’t feel particularly hungry, but you know you need to eat something. One of the first rules of Starfleet: always take care of your body, and your mind. Physical and mental fitness is imperative.

You have dinner alone, a simple supplement shake, and then leave, heading to your quarters. You’re restless, angry, unable to sit still as you keep ruminating on Christopher’s behavior. Why is he doing this to you? You thought he loved you, and if anyone could understand your need to explore, to be a part of charting new worlds, new life, it’s him?

You feel like blowing off some steam; you’ve got to let this energy out in a more constructive fashion. You change into your Starfleet-issue workout clothes and head to the ship’s gym. You arrive, the doors hissing shut behind you, and you make your way through the large, familiar space, filled with various equipment, benches, etc. It’s off-hours, no one usually comes here until after dinner or early in the morning, so the space is empty but for your feisty and furious energy.

You’re glad for the solitude, and warm up with some stretching, as you’ve done many times before. You pull on some light boxing gloves and walk over to one of the bags. You think of the away mission today, how badly you’d wanted to be on it, after being so patient for nine freaking weeks! Weeks, Christopher! *WHACK!* You hit the bag in front of you with emphasis as you envision your beloved Captain in front of you. *SMACK!* Ah, yeah, that’s right! You know I was the most qualified today! *BAM!* You twirl around, kick-boxing the bag, your perfect form a result of years of Starfleet martial arts training.

You continue your assault on the defenseless Captain-bag, time passing by without notice, unleashing your anger and working up a sweat in the process. You don’t even hear the doors open and close, a familiar presence observing you, then making their way apprehensively toward you…

You’ve exhausted yourself; you take a break, putting your hands on your thighs, panting as your body recovers. “[Y/N]?” a deep voice originates from behind you, making you almost jump out of your skin!

You snap around, coming face to face with Christopher, a slight smirk on his face, though you’re having none of that dimpled smirk today! “Chris!” you breathe, still recovering from your intense exercise. “How long have you been standing there!?” you demand, a little self-conscious now as you’d thought you’d been taking your emotions out in private.

“Long enough to know I’d better stand back,” he chuckles back at you, though his smirk disappears quickly as your intense gaze pierces into him. He knows what’s up, and he’s ready for this. The truth is, he’s known this day would come for a while now. At first, his reluctance to assign you to away missions had been inadvertent, as his subconscious compelled him to keep you out of harm’s way. As time went on, and away missions came and went, he’d noticed his avoidance to assign you, and had realized it was because he was fearful of anything happening to you again.

Every time a mission came up, he’d relive those emotions; that clutching, crushing feeling of having you almost ripped from his life, his arms, forever. He wasn’t one to be ruled by fear, but this was different than anything he’d dealt with in his life so far. He’d never been involved with someone under his command, never been so completely in love with someone that he had to put in harm’s way on a regular basis. Balancing a personal relationship and fulfilling a duty to Starfleet, to the Federation, was something you both were new to.

That moment today on the bridge, he knew you were the most qualified for the mission. He knew by the hopeful look in your beautiful eyes, sparkling in the light of the console in front of you, that you wanted so badly to go down to the surface. He’d picked up your hints lately, and he knew you’d be crushed today if he didn’t assign you. He was going to, he wanted to, the mission looked relatively safe… Your name was on the tip of his tongue, but as he’d opened his mouth to say “Lieutenant [Y/L/N]”, the name “Spock” came out instead. He couldn’t even look at you after, and he’d waited until the away team had settled onto the planetoid to come looking for you. That was one (of many) amazing qualities about the man, he was always open to talking, to communicating, to resolving things. It would prove useful in your relationship, now and in the future.

“[Y/N]…” he starts, inching carefully closer to you, his eyes taking in your dishevelled appearance, your face aglow with perspiration, your hair slightly unruly, your chest rising and falling quickly, the unimpressed look on your pretty face…

“Save it!” you hiss at him, the anger you’ve been feeling coming to its boiling point. You walk forward, intending to walk away from him, though your heart implores you to stay. You are secretly relieved when his hand comes to your arm, gently anchoring you in the room with him.

You stop in your tracks, feeling your eyes sting as tears well up in them, and anger is replaced by hurt, the most hurtful part being that it is Christopher who has caused you this pain. He moves to enter your field of view, standing in front of you, his expression one of sadness. His chest clenches and he feels angry with himself for his actions, for making you feel this way. He’s better than this, but his fear got the best of him, and now he’s hurt you.

“[Y/N], I’m sorry, I know you wanted to be on the mission today. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t… I…” he tries to explain himself, but his words seem like hollow excuses to you at the moment. You furrow your brow at him even harder.

“Nine weeks, Christopher! For nine weeks you’ve been keeping me away from anything remotely interesting! You keep me on the bridge, running scans, when you know damn well I’m capable of so much more!” you unleash on him, your voice cracking with hurt and emotion.

“I know you are, I know have, I…” he replies, but you keep going. “I feel like you’re punishing me for what happened! I know you want me to be safe but it feels like punishment! I feel like I’m on a damn prison ship!” you cry out, exasperated; a bit of a hyperbole, perhaps, but you get your point across.

Christopher is silent for a moment, seeing if you’re going to add anything more, but instead you take some deep breaths, feeling bad that you raised your voice to him, but he kind of deserved it. Didn’t he?

Christopher takes a risk, his hands coming to yours and he grasps them, conveying his sincerity. “[Y/N], you’re right. You’re absolutely right, and I’m so sorry. I wanted to assign you today, but I just… I promise, going forward, I’ll make sure you’re on the next mission.”

You look at him, analyzing his words as you stare into his kind blue eyes, seeing he’s genuinely sorry. You’re still angry, but you’re inclined to trust his promise to put you on future missions. He’s a man of his word, you know that. And you really do hate being at odds with him.

“Your talents are wasted being confined to the bridge, I know that,” he continues, a little flattery might help? He knows you better than that, though. “Speaking of… The away team has sent up some very intriguing mineral samples. Perhaps you’d like to be the one to catalogue them…?” Oh! This man knows the way to your heart!

You bite your lip, trying to stifle a slight smile as you think of the fascinating discoveries awaiting you in the science lab. Christopher sees you softening, and his hand comes to your cheek, his thumb brushing away a partially dried tear. You blink at him, your eyes less fiery now, as you begin to accept his apology, and his peace offering.

“So, do you think can you forgive me?” he asks hopefully, his hand lingering on your face, he loves touching you any chance he gets. You sigh, leaning your cheek into his hand in response, “Hmmm…” you mumble, not ready to make peace just yet, you’ll still need some time to get over this.

“I’ll take that as a ‘maybe’?” Christopher states softly, and his big blue eyes look so sweetly into yours that you roll your eyes and allow him to pull you into a hug. His arms come around you and you lean into his chest, your arms clasping around his torso, and you feel his warmth, his love, his repentance. His hands stroke comfortingly over your back as he holds you, and he realizes that he indeed has been unfair in keeping you from experiencing things lately.

Such is the life of Starfleet, for both of you. Every day you wake up, something could happen, but one cannot live in the future, just as one cannot live in the past. These moments, holding you like this, he realizes that preventing you from experiencing things, hurting you in that way, will also cause him to lose you. Such a situation he is in, to love you so much and want to protect you, yet he must respect your need to explore, to live your life, as you do for him.

He reluctantly lets you go, and you look up into his eyes, which stare back at you with relief and admiration. You are a rare beauty, in body and spirit, an O-type star in a sea of Red Dwarfs. “Are you done in here, or are you going to give that bag another run for its money?” he jokes, having observed you earlier beating the poor thing into oblivion. You smile back at him, your earlier foul mood having eased up.

“No, I’m good. I think I’ll go take a shower and then maybe have a preliminary look at those samples you mentioned,” you state, your mind already filling with possibilities of the alien crystals.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Christopher asks, a glimmer of mischief overtaking his eyes.

“In the science lab?” you ask; perhaps his curiosity has been piqued as well?

“No, in the shower,” he states with a smirk, his hand coming around your waist as he escorts you across the gym. “I can finish making it up to you?”

You look over at him, smiling as you anticipate the make-up sex that will surely ensue. Those mineral samples can wait until tomorrow, anyway…


End file.
